National Survey of Teens: Teens Talk About Dating, Intimacy, and Their Sexual Experiences

Do Boys And Girls Attach The Same Importance To Sex Relationship?

Teen boys and girls agree that sex in a relationship is more important to teen boys than it is to teen girls, and that the importance of sex in a relationship increases for both teen boys and girls around age 15 or 16. However, few teens say sex in a relationship is very important for either teen boys (19%) or girls (5%) at any age. Teen boys and girls have roughly the same ideas about how important sex is to the teen girls their age. But, they differ about the importance of sex to the teen boys. Teen girls, espe-cially girls aged 17 to 18, believe teen boys are more focused on sex than the boys themselves say they are.

How Important Is Sexual Intimacy in a Relationship . . .

	13-14		15-16		17-18
	Boys (%)	Girls (%)	Boys (%)	Girls (%)	Boys (%)	Girls (%)
From the girl's point of view
Very/Somewhat Important	32	31	49	43	50	48
Not too/Not at all Important	61	65	43	56	45	52
From the boy's point of view
Very/Somewhat Important	44	49	65	63	63	81
Not too/Not at all Important	55	48	30	33	37	17

How Do Teens Feel About Being Together?

Many fears, feelings, and thoughts arise during teens' intimate encounters. The most common feelings are concerns about body image, anxiety about a partner's trustwor-thiness, and, for teen boys, hope that intimacy will enhance the relationship. Among teens who have had intimate encounters, teen girls are twice as likely as teen boys to say they often worry about their body image during intimacy. To a lesser extent teen girls are also more likely than teen boys to have concerns about how trustworthy their partner is and how their friends will judge their behavior. One might expect older teens to be less subject to these insecurities, but that isn't the case-these sorts of feelings are as prevalent among older teens as among younger ones.

Sexual Feelings

When you've been alone with a (girl/boy), how often have you felt . . . Based on those who have been in an intimate situation	Often (%)	Sometimes (%)
Worried about how your body looks	24	28
Girls	33	34
Boys	15	23
Worried about whether you can trust the (girl/boy)	20	32
Girls	25	32
Boys	16	33
Hopeful that intimacy will improve your relationship	11	27
Girls	6	22
Boys	15	31
Worried about what your friends will think	9	20
Girls	13	22
Boys	6	18
That the (girl/boy) does not respect you	8	19
Girls	8	23
Boys	7	16
Worried you are leading the (girl/boy) on	8	23
Girls	5	24
Boys	9	23
Worried the (girl/boy) will think you aren't experienced enough	7	19
Girls	9	18
Boys	5	20
Not in control of the situation	6	20
Girls	8	20
Boys	5	20
Worried about seeming too experienced	4	10
Girls	2	7
Boys	5	13

Uncomfortable Sexual Situations

A quarter of teens (26%) feel that, at least some of the time, they are not in control of their intimate encounters, including six percent who often feel this way. Surprisingly, the frequency of these feelings does not increase with age or sexual experience and teen girls are no more likely than teen boys to say they sometimes feel they are not in control.

When we asked teens about specific sexual situations they might have faced, however, a more complicated, troubling picture emerges. Among those teens who have been in an intimate situation, almost half (47%) have done something, or felt pressure to do something, they didn't feel they were ready to do. Teen girls are more likely than teen boys to have had these experiences (55% vs. 40%). Specifically, teen girls are twice as likely as teen boys to have been in a situation when someone was pressuring them to do more sexually than they felt comfortable doing (28% vs. 13%), to admit having actually done something sexual they did not feel comfortable doing (31% vs. 16%), and to have been have been in a relationship that was moving too fast sexually (33% vs. 15%).

Even 13 and 14 year olds finds themselves in these situations. Among those teens un-der 15 who have had an intimate encounter, almost two in ten have been in a situation where they felt sexually pressured (18%) or in a relationship that was moving too fast (17%), and just over one in ten (13%) have done something sexual for which they felt unprepared.

Younger teens and older teens are equally likely to have been in situations where they felt pressured sexually, but older teens are more likely to have given in to the pressure. In other words, "going too far" becomes more common as teens age. Among those 13 to 14 years old only 13% have done something they were not really ready for, com-pared with two in ten (22%) teen boys age 17 and 18 and twice as many teen girls this age (42%). Likewise, sexually experienced teens are more likely than those who have not yet had intercourse to say they have done something sexual before they felt ready (36% vs.16%).

Research has shown alcohol and drugs often act as a catalyst in teens' sexual encoun-ters, and this survey reinforces that point. Almost two in ten (17%) teens 13 to 18 who have had an intimate encounter admit having done something sexual while under the influence of drugs or alcohol that they otherwise might not have done. One in three (32%) girls 17 to 18 have had this experience.

What Do Teens Talk About...And How Comfortable Do They Feel?

Two-thirds of sexually experienced teens (66%) say they have had a conversation with a sexual partner about whether to use birth control. One-third (34%) say they have never had such a conversation. Likewise, though the majority (60%) of sexually expe-rienced teens surveyed say they have discussed the risks of contracting HIV/AIDS or other STDs with a partner, a troubling minority (40%) never have.

• Teen girls are much more likely than teen boys to say they have had conversations about birth control (78% vs. 57%) and STDs (74% vs. 49%).
  
  
• Most conversations about birth control (80%) and STDs (82%) take place before the first time teens have sex with a new partner. But some of these conversations don't happen until the heat of the moment (8% for birth control, 5% for STDs) and one in five teens says conversations about birth control (20%) and STDs (18%) usually do not happen until after they have already had intercourse with a new partner.

Teens who have not discussed the risks of STDs with their partners most often cite knowing their partner pretty well as the reason they have not discussed this topic (63%). Far fewer say they did not think there was much of a risk (14%) or did not want their partner to think they did not trust them (9%).

Communicating about sexual issues can be awkward and embarrassing. Among teens who have had an intimate encounter, between a quarter and a third say they have, or would expect to have, at least some difficulty discussing such sexual topics as birth control (22%), AIDS/HIV (23%), other STDs (23%), what they feel comfortable do-ing sexually (32%), and their feelings toward each other (30%). The difficulty in talking about these subjects decreases in the later teen years, in part because teens who have had more experience feel more comfortable being open with their partners. How-ever, talking about their feelings toward one another is as hard to discuss in the later teen years as it is in the early years.

Teen boys have a harder time discussing these subjects than teen girls. Teen boys are more likely than teen girls to have difficulty with topics like birth control (28% vs. 16% have at least some difficulty), AIDS (26% vs. 19%), and other STDs (27% vs. 18%). However, teen boys are just as comfortable, or uncomfortable, discussing their feelings for their partner as teen girls are (29% vs. 31% have at least some difficulty).